He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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