I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
