he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
