Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
