Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
