Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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