Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
