I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm passing your future prison.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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