and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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