the condom got lost in my hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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