How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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