A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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