No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
