...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
