in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
