I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
