Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
