he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
