I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
