do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
