It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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