Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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