i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
