my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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