oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
