Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
