the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
