I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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