he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
