Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
