Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
