eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
