i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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