I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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