now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
