Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
