when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You smell like stripper and shame
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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