Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
