I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
