you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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