got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
