Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
