I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
