I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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