Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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