I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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