dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
