I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
