wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
