Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
