As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
