i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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