All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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