totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
